One of the tricky things about manifesting anything– love, money, a new car– is that the feeling of actually having that thing is invisible.
Now, the results of having whatever it is are visible.
For example, you know what it feels like to wake up in bed next to someone you adore.
But the feeling of “having” something is invisible, because there is no lack around that thing. It is part of your identity already. You aren’t worried about not having air and water when you have plenty.
And that feeling of ease and certainty about having something is the exact feeling that manifests love and keeps it coming.
On the flip side, anxiety drives everything away.
But it’s human to be anxious, because fear is our biological reaction to the threat of annihilation.
The secret our panicked body doesn’t share is that fear itself brings about the exact conditions it seems to be protecting us from. I think this is creation’s way of tricking us into growing, but it’s not a fun experience either way.
Ease is the energy of havingness. Whether it’s manifesting love or a new teakettle.
You don’t get a new teakettle and then worry it’s going to disappear.
But because conditions with other people seem less “solid” than things, we do this all the time with relationships.
Does he love me? Does he not?
Is he going to leave?
Is that new co-worker a threat?
Why did she say/do that?
And so on.
Abraham-Hicks tells a story about getting tabasco in a pie about this misuse of focus. If you’re not familiar with tabasco, it’s a hot sauce.
The idea is that the more you stress out about getting tabasco in the pie you’re making, the more likely you’ll eventually end up having tabasco ruin your pie.
The problem was not that you had tabasco in your kitchen in the first place, it’s that you couldn’t get your mind off the potential bad condition.
Focusing on what you don’t want eventually attracts it.
It’s the same with focusing on problems in relationships. Or your ability to manifest love.
It’s the insecurity around our lovability that pushes away love.
It’s the icky backlog of internal nastiness that lies and says, “oh no, I’m terrified this person will discover ____ about me and leave” or “they’re secretly on their way out” that create the condition of separation and lack.
I’ve seen it over and over. Most people are much more lovable than they allow themselves to be. But they fear the opposite, so they hide who they truly are because of the fear that it’ll be rejected.
Now I don’t mean that you should go around being a jerk and testing people using the misguided “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” mindset because that is lazy and entitled behavior.
No one in your life should have to prove their love to you by putting up with your abuse.
It’s the anxiety about not being loved that pushes away love. Abusive behavior is the product of self-hatred, not the kind of self love that easily manifests love from other people.
However, you can get a really long way while being totally unhinged but remain lovable as long as you are truly confident that your lovability is solid.
For example, there was the time I went on a third date wearing devil horns and a cape. A few years later, he proposed. 18 year old me was NOT afraid of driving men away for acting bizarre. I was not worried about approval, so I got plenty of it.
So you don’t think I’m completely insane, we were seeing Rocky Horror at midnight. But that doesn’t really explain why I chose this outfit, because people don’t usually dress up like Halloween monsters to watch Rocky Horror.
Anyway, the next time you’re feeling worried about a situation with someone in your life, do your best to keep your mind off problems when you’re actually in front of them.
Then do your best to release those looping, repetitive fear thoughts in private.
And if you can’t seem to let go and release the worry and fear because your mind keeps circling back like a naggy mom terrified you’re going to Antarctica without a coat– then distract yourself, add more opportunities to be loved and seen and practice allowing people to love you.
Worrying about a relationship is the opposite of shifting it because of the magic of your focus.
Focus on solutions and you get those.
Focus on problems and you get more of those.
Here’s to getting your mind OFF whatever nastiness you’re afraid of and onto the reality you actually want to manifest.
To manifest love once and for all, sign up for my free masterclass, The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love. Inside you’ll discover the 7 blocks that keep people from attracting the love they want and deserve.