Recently I hired an IFBB professional bodybuilder with 30 years of experience as my personal trainer.
At one point in my mid-twenties, I was actually excited about getting fit and I have missed that feeling.
15 minutes into the first workout, as my biceps were crying for help and I had almost fainted (this is not an exaggeration– I was so embarrassed) I knew I was in the right place.
She quickly corrected several subtle but significant things I had been doing wrong forever without even realizing it.
Then, as I took deep breaths and tried to maintain consciousness, she bluntly told me how weak I am.
It was, “I’m compassionately telling you the truth because I’m going to help you fix it” blunt.
Not, “you’re a hopeless mess and you should give up immediately” blunt.
The difference is profoundly important.
Not only were those bad habits preventing me from getting results, but they were all causing me pain that I wasn’t even specifically aware of.
The whole experience has been enlightening and humbling all at the same time.
In the last few minutes of today’s session, as we were joking about me doing all these things wrong, she said, “this is what happens when you try and do everything yourself.”
Now, she doesn’t know me all that well yet– but “doing it myself” has probably been my number one struggle. (And source of secret pride).
Doing most things myself has been my go-to state.
Until the pain has gotten to be too much.
And… It was pain that made me get help with saving my marriage.
After all, if you ALREADY know what to do, but you’re having trouble doing it– what do you do then?
Get a second opinion that isn’t you.
For the same reason therapists get their own therapists, coaches need coaching. Doctors have their own doctors.
Knowing things and DOING the right thing are not the same.
Because you can’t do everything yourself. Even if you get secret pride from figuring out new things like I do.
Almost every day, I think about what my life would be like if I hadn’t invested in education and coaching. I would pay the money all over again ten times over.
At the time, on the edge of divorce and basically broke, I felt like I was giving my marriage counselor my first born.
But it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
Just like my time in the gym this morning, when I was “doing it myself” in the relationship area, I was causing pain without even realizing it. For years.
Unfortunately, relationship pain doesn’t just affect you. It attaches to everyone you try to imperfectly love.
But getting help is both an empowering and humbling experience. Because sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing wrong until you have someone look at you and tell you you’re weak in that profoundly correct tone.
Either because the pain has gotten to be too much, or the desire for what you want is so strong that doing it yourself is downright ridiculous.
That’s why, if you’re here, I want to mention that I appreciate and respect you just for turning up, because at some point, you went looking for help.
Well done.
Best,
Elizabeth Stone
P.S. When you’re ready, here are 5 ways I can help you attract, keep and nurture the love you’ve always wanted.
- 1:1 Coaching. I’m here to point out all those things you’re doing which are unintentionally causing you pain– and get you back on the right track. Spaces are limited.
- Listen to me and Robert Dunn discuss Men and Commitment. In this 94 minute audio recording, we hash out the what, why, when and how of inspiring a man to commit to your relationship.
- Manifest True Love. Inside this experience and group coaching program, you’ll find the quickest method to attracting love.
- The Secrets to Understanding Men No One Tells You. If you’ve been wondering why men pull away, get flaky and generally drive you nuts, this is for you.
- The Love Magnet Meditation. Get my best 11 minute brain hack to magnetize the energy of love and attract more of it.
