Why The Advice “Just Have Confidence” Is Bullshit (And Here’s What Will Make You Magnetic Instead)

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about exactly what makes women magnetic.

And, in the beginning of my career– I used to say “confidence.” Which is what everyone says and is technically correct but not exactly helpful.

But it’s like a child asking you “what is the ocean” and responding, “it’s water.” Well yes, duh, rocket scientist, OBVIOUSLY the ocean is water.

Telling someone whose confidence is shot after getting rejected (maybe over and over like happened to me) to “just have more confidence” is like telling someone with a broken leg that if they would just get up and walk, they could walk more.

Cue the eye roll, right? 🙄

Not only are you minimizing the very real pain they’re going through because of the diminishment and shame they already feel, but you’re instructing them to do have a feeling which is born from action.

And their actions in the past may have given them results that have put all of those chinks in their armor and dings in their confidence in the first place.

It’s totally backwards.

You don’t get confidence by “BEING CONFIDENT.” 

You get confidence by changing your mindset, doing things that reinforce that mindset and then doing more things that reinforce the confidence– while divorcing yourself from the results at the same time.

The action of gaining confidence (and then appearing confident to others and thus, magnetic) is a paradox. 

You have to have enough confidence to decide you’re capable of becoming truly magnetic (like I teach), which then makes you more confident and magnetic– which THEN (and only then) magnetizes everything around you.




Everything you want.

But you have to start with the tiny seed that gets your toe in the door in the first place.

That seed can be desire.

It can be admitting you want something and believing someone can help you get results.

It can be hitting rock bottom and realizing that if you’re going to be miserable either way, you might as well do it while shining as brightly as you possibly can and doing EVERYTHING in your power to make your dreams come true.

Because denying your true desires is a death.

Maybe not right now. 

But in 40-100 years (depending on your optimism about your lifespan), wouldn’t you rather look back and think about the amazing relationships you EARNED because you came out of hiding and stepped into your true irresistibility?

It took me WAY longer than it should have to realize this.

And that’s why I made my group coaching program Manifest True Love.

Because I want as MANY OF US AS POSSIBLE to become truly magnetic. ASAP.

Thriving like this is your natural state.

…And I want more women to uncover it so I have people to hang out with. I’m not afraid to admit how selfish this is. (Come closer and you’ll find out why selfish is no longer a dirty word in my world.)

But I can’t do that unless women believe JUST ENOUGH to come and see what I mean.

Your life will never be the same. Not just with men– but INSIDE, where it really counts.

Because no matter who you go home to– you’re always with you.

And you’re the one I’m interested in.

If you’re wondering what might be getting in your way of having all of this, check out my free, hour long masterclass, The 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love. I promise you, after you watch this, you’ll never be the same again.

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